August 30, 2008

Welcome to the Official Beginning of the Race for the Presidency: on your marks, . . .

Let's throw out the first officially false rumor of the Presidential Campaign Season, which traditionally begins (you thought it had begun already? HAH! That was just the exhibition season [O.K., O.K., two years is a long exhibition season, but it's over so put all that complaining aside for all the fresh Presidential campaign complaining to come]) on the Labor Day weekend before the election in November. Mere weeks to go before the voters choose a new President or the Supreme Court choses one for them.

I want to be the one to spread the baseless rumor that Dianne Feinstein was on the top of John McCain's short list for Vice President for weeks. She "broke her ankle" and couldn't attend the Democratic Convention, but that was a ruse, according to this nonce, just a ploy to get away and give her people more time to negotiate with McCain's team over what exactly the role of vice president is in the post-Cheney era.

McCain/Feinstein! It would have been the Unity ticket for the ages! The comity of it! Democrat and Republican coming together for the good of the country, surrounded by CEO's singing Kumbaya all hand-in-hand with Beltway pundits and cable news anchors! Charley Rose and Joe Leiberman and Jack Welch publicly kissing each other's ass, as ever! Broderella ascending in a puffy cloud of hosannahs into the heavens! Unity!

But no, some sticking point in the protracted negotiation bogged things down, it says here. How many troops can the Vice President deploy of her own free will in the post-Cheney era, anyhow? Isn't the vice presidency now, Byzantinely, after Cheney, the place where the Grand Vizier sets up shop, the Vice President now the one who runs things for the acknowledged figurehead of a leader?

Of course the canny Feinstein wanted to see how much of that role might still apply post-Cheney. How much of a deputy and how much of an executive substitute would she be? What exactly was she being offered?

Naturally a transcript of the Feinstein/McCain team hashing out these questions doesn't survive, but it is rumored that John McCain took Ambien three nights in a row during this period before announcing ferociously early this past Thursday morning, "Aw, fuck, it, I'm going with Palin! PAAAA-LIN! PAAAAA-LIN!!! HAAAHAAAAHAAA!" to a startled housekeeper.

The negotiations with Feinstein dithered to a stop, and Palin, no more bothered than the average American by thoughts of what it is a vice president is supposed to be, accepted McCain's sudden offer immediately.

It says here.

1 comment:

peter ramus said...

Whatever you do, don't suspend your campaign, Carrie James.